12 Symptoms That Diagnose a Russian Liberal

(Fishki.net) 50 minutes ago 

“Crimea is the shame of Russia” – liberals march through in Moscow center
Originally appeared at Fishki.net. Translated by Julia Rakhmetova and Rhod Mackenzie


There was a time when they called them democrats, then democratic schizos (suggesting they suffer from a psychiatric disorder). Now they are liberals, “desperate fighters against Putin’s bloody regime”.

1. The True Liberal hates the USSR and adores the Yeltsin period

Every self-respecting liberal no matter his age talks about being suppressed in the Soviet Union (even if he was five back then) and breathing freely in the1990s. A true liberal doesn’t remember the poverty, the country’s near-default under Yeltsin, he’s oblivious to the decline in population and other "‘minor details”.

2. The True Liberal always talks about Repression

He either feels it, or expects it to come. A liberal doesn’t wonder how he can afford to criticize the authorities, to have enough good food, to fly business class under this terror. These are details. The most important thing is to say: “We’re living like in Stalin’s day”. Of course, the bloody authorities persecute him for these statements; why he hasn’t been caught remains unclear.

3. The True Liberal is always happy with his country’s failures

Each failure is the fault of the “bloody regime”. “I knew things would be bad and now they are worse”. Children killed in the Sinai plane crash, the plane shot down in Syria, inflation – all that is music to the ears of a true liberal. He giggles, rubbing his hands with pleasure.

4. A True Liberal worries about his country’s achievements

The true liberal gets upset when a new tank doesn’t fall apart, and claims Russia’s contribution to the defeat of fascism was insignificant. All his country’s achievements are thanks to the freedom of the '90s. Before and after is darkness. When Russia wins the Olympics, a true liberal compares them to Hitler’s 1936 Munich games .

5. A True Liberal is always enthusiastic over the West but stays in Russia

The liberal likes everything about the West, where there is only freedom and well-being. A liberal is delighted with western democracy — and now with democracy in the Ukraine as well. When a liberal is asked about cases of human rights violations in the US, or the killing of children in the Donbass, he will say: “But here in Russia…” and so forth. Of course, he can’t be forced to go to the Ukraine and they don’t want him in the West. The strange thing is how Jewish liberals can watch torch-light processions so quietly.

6. A True liberal’s efficiency equals zero

People become liberals not because they want to do something for their country but to find more examples of a ‘bloody regime’ and claim that Russia will soon be over. The liberal writes wicked articles, meets his fans, goes to the West to study democracy and talk about the horrors in Russia. Lately, a must-do is a trip to Kiev to study the reforms and democratic freedoms there. But not for altruistic motives. How many charity campaigns organized by liberals have you heard of - other than free concerts for Ukraine’s Azov Nazi battalion?

7. A True liberal is not always endowed with intelligence

Everyone knows that when Bykov (a liberal author) interviewed Starikov (a conservative thinker) he believed that Australia is a republic. Equal ignorance applies to criticism of his own government. Any educated person can provide a long list of problems in our country in an hour, citing cause-and-effect and suggesting solutions. But the liberal won’t waste his time on this. He’s been using the same few clichés for decades and can discuss “Democracy in America” by Alexis de Tocqueville without having read it.

8. A True liberal promises to give back the Crimea

This is the most popular promise now. And the most important is that a liberal risks nothing by it. Why can’t a candidate for the US presidency promise to give Alaska back to Russia? That would mean the end of his political career. But here in Russia…

9. A True liberal is a political survivor

Despite the fact that a liberal is always persecuted by power, he flashes before our eyes for decades. He is ideologically sustainable: with no new ideas or beliefs, he gets old and fat. Why should he change anything? He gets his money…

10. A True liberal always apologizes for his country

Facts are not important to him. It doesn’t matter that other countries are guilty towards Russia. He puts the blame on his Motherland. Who authorized him to apologize for his country? Some day liberals will start to apologize for Germany ruining Hitler’s army. A liberal likes to remember what Soviet troops did in Berlin, but the systematic destruction of the Soviet people by Nazis does not interest him.

11. A True liberal considers his people to be hopeless trash

A true liberal is surrounded by rich artifacts, dwelling on his words, sighing and rolling his eyes and saying how stupid and hopeless the Russian people are (except for liberals, of course). These people are slaves and deserve all the miseries they experienced in the past and are still facing today. The Russians are so hopeless that an unhappy liberal can’t do anything about it. He can only watch sadly, trying to save a few souls. He’s not sorry for the rest: let them die. It’s not clear how this liberal soul could have been be born among these dull people. I wonder how much time a politician’s career would last in the Mecca of democracy after such remarks.

12. Finally, a true liberal is waiting for Russia to disappear

This is the biggest dream of all. How unfortunate that this great country has survived for centuries. Maybe it was thanks to ignorant people? If so, then what?